Progression
Progression
My infatuation with wetting started a few days after a turned six. It may have been caused by stress or a changing environment, but I woke up one morning late that fall in a wet bed. I had only started kindergarten two months earlier, and my parents made a big deal of my sixth birthday -- I was finally a "big kid" -- and I was moved into my own bedroom for the first time. Looking back, these things may very well be what caused my first wet morning, but I learned to be happy about it in the aftermath.
The odd thing was, I had NEVER wet my bed prior to that incident, ever since I was toilet trained before my second birthday. It seemed so
surreal when I first woke up, because I could vividly remember the dream I'd been having -- that I was in bed at a hospital, and the doctor was concerned that my bedpan was empty, so he told me to make sure I made pee. I could remember peeing in the dream, but it wasn't until I woke up that morning that I realized I had also peed in real life.
At first I was scared and didn't want my mom to find out, so I changed out of my pajamas and made the bed so she wouldn't see the wet spot.
But I really enjoyed the way it felt, standing there in my wet underpants as I made sure the bed was made just right. And after school the first thing I did was run upstairs and check the sheets, which were dry, but there was a round yellow stain in the spot where I peed. I was very excited about the whole situation, I think mostly because I "got away"
with something naughty. For months after that, whenever I said my
prayers at night, I would silently add, "...and please let me pee in bed." I
didn't have any more accidents for the longest time, but every night I
would wonder, and hope.
In May, just before I graduated from kindergarten, I discovered with
great awe that I could pee in bed while I was still awake! I could do
it on purpose! I don't know why this didn't occur to me before, and I
didn't do it very often, but once in a while I'd wake up in the middle of
the night with the urge to pee, and then I'd do it. Of course, the very
best part of this, was that even though I'd graduate soon, I was still
in kindergarten! And I became very impatient for nap time.
The first time I wet myself during nap time, it didn't even occur to
me that my mother was going to find out. There was no hiding it when it
happened at school. All I could think about was how good it would feel
to pee in my day clothes, and how I could stay wet for the rest of the day! We spread out our blue rubber mats on the floor, and the teacher turned off the lights and sat down at her desk to plan for tomorrow, and I knew nobody was watching.
I was lying on my stomach, and I closed my eyes and peed, slow and silent. And I laid motionless in my wet clothes until the teacher turned the lights back on. Then, just like always, we picked up our blue mats and sat back down at our tables. Ironically, the teacher didn't notice until we all got up for bathroom break. She asked me why I didn't tell her, and I asked, "Tell you what?"
My mother came to get me. She wasn't mad. She brought along a change of clothes and let me change before we walked home. She asked me if I was feeling sick. I said I wasn't. She asked if this was the first time
I ever wet while I was sleeping. I said I thought so. We didn't talk about it for a while after that. Of course, somehow it was more exciting to pee at school, and it was nice that my mom came to pick me up afterwards, so I peed at two more naps before the end of the school year.
Early that summer, my big brother asked me how it felt to wet myself. I lied and told him I never did it on purpose, but he said he wanted to try, as long as I did it with him. He said I already knew what it felt like anyhow, so why not try it just once on purpose? I said okay. We started slowly, just peeing into the drains in the basement floor, and peeing in the far corner of my bedroom.
After a while we decided to leave our underwear on while we peed, and by the end of summer, we had both wet our pants and underwear more than once -- sometimes outside playing, sometimes sitting on the living room floor watching television, and sometimes just sitting on the toilet with all our clothes on. We came up with new and creative wet ideas all the time.
Of course, school started again that fall, and we both lost interest. But while I was in first grade, the most miraculous thing happened -- nearly all of my classmates wet themselves at one time or another throughout the year! The girl who sat next to me started it when she wanted to be first in line to return from bathroom break, so she didn't go to the bathroom. We got back to class and all of a sudden I heard the sound of water running. Everyone else did, too.
When I looked at her, her legs were spread on either side of her chair like it was a saddle, and she had the most relieved expression on her face. She peed so much that the puddle kept splashing upward as more pee fell into it. A few kids actually got splashed with her pee! I never got up the nerve to wet myself in first grade, but I enjoyed wetting the bed a lot more often.
At the end of second grade, my family moved out of the city. My
parents were both at work all day, so my big brother and I went back to our old wet hobbies. We peed all over the basement floor, and we started to fashion diapers out of old towels, and we even stole all the real diapers off my baby dolls! In fact, when third grade started, I would sometimes slip a doll diaper into my underpants, and I'd actually use the diaper at school! I remember running across the playground at top speed, and peeing as though I didn't have a care.
In fourth and fifth grade, I had accidents almost every night --
real accidents. It was fun for a while, but I was upset that my bed never
really got a chance to dry. I'd go to bed and automatically feel a wet
mattress every night.
In middle school, we had these really dark, outrageous gym shorts.
So I came up with the idea of wearing several pairs of underpants and
wetting the shorts every gym class. That was very exciting for me,
because I always thought someone might spot some pee running down my leg, but nobody ever did.
And on the last day of middle school, my class had a picnic in the park down the street from the school. The zipper for my jeans broke, so my only option was to sit on the toilet with all my clothes on. No one noticed because they were black jeans. I drank a lot of juice and had to pee again before we went back to the school. I didn't even bother to go to the toilet. What was the point?? So I just peed as I sat there in the grass, laughing with my friends.
All throughout high school I wet my bed on purpose, nearly all the
time. I made a deal with myself that my wetting obsession would stop
once I turned 18. I actually made it until graduation. The summer before I
started college, though, I bought myself a package of adult diapers
from the K-mart near my house.
They were great diapers! They were soft and white and very absorbent, and they looked remarkably like baby diapers. I'd wet them at night while I watched television, and then sleep all night in the wet diaper. Sometimes I'd go to sleep dry, but I'd wake up in the middle of the night and sit up long enough to pee before I went back to sleep.
My big brother permanently lost his interest in wetting before I
even started high school, but mine sticks around like glue. I still like
diapers, and I still like to wet the bed on occasion, and whenever I
decide I want to, I still remember all the creative wetting my big brother
and I did over the years. And it never gets old.
written by: Sarah