Loss

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Loss
Loss
It was bad enough that Colin’s father had died in a road accident on his way home from work one night.  Colin desperately missed his dad, but that was worse for the six year old that his mother seemed not to love him any more.  Colin had a one year old sister and his mother seemed to spend all her time with her and no time for Colin.  He’d come out of
school clutching a picture which he’d drawn specially for his mum and, when he’d tried to show it to her, his mother hadn’t even looked at, as she was fiddling with his sister in her pushchair.  She didn’t even look at it, she just said, “yes, dear, very nice” in a ‘I’m not bothered’ tone of voice.  Colin was feeling the loss of his dad terribly, but for his mum to stop loving him was more than he could bear.
He’d just broken up from school for the long summer holiday with his mum basically ignoring him most of the time.  Oh yes, she got his meals when she got hers, but apart from that, he felt he was invisible.  His sister Kim was having her nappy changed and he watched longingly as his mother lavished attention on Kim, cleaning her up, creaming her,
putting the dry nappy and plastic pants on her, then after washing her hands, picking her up and cuddling her.  He never got cuddled these days.  In fact his mother never even kissed him. 
What had he done wrong to cause this?  Suddenly an idea came into his head.  His sister worn nappies and his mother really looked after her.  What would happen if he started
wetting the bed at night?  He’d got a plastic sheet on the mattress, so it would just be the sheets and himself that would get wet.  It might be worth a try.  Even if she was cross with him and spanked him for being a baby again, at least she’d be paying attention to him.  Colin was a very sad and lonely little boy.
That night he went to bed determined to out his plan into action. When he went to the toilet just before bedtime, he drank a big glass of water, then decided that two glasses were better than one, so drank another one.  He went into his bedroom alone: his mother didn’t even come in to tuck him up or kiss him good night any more.  He had difficulty getting to sleep because he was worried about whether he should really do this,
but eventually fell asleep, only to wake up later as the pressure in his very full bladder demanded release. 
He rolled onto his back and tried to let it out. He discovered that it was hard to overcome his conditioning that he should never wet the bed, but after straining for a while, he started to empty his bladder as his pajamas sand sheets became
soaked.  He found it was all right at first, but the wet sheets soon cooled off and they felt cold and clammy.  He went back to sleep again, but woke once more, cold and wet, because the second glass of water needed to be released from his full bladder.  “In for a penny, in for a pound” he thought to himself as he emptied his bladder again, somewhat easier this time, making the bed really uncomfortable to sleep in.
Because his nocturnal activities had left him exhausted because of the problems he’d had trying to get back to sleep, when he finally did get back to sleep again, he fell into a really deep sleep.  Normally he woke in the morning by himself, got up, showered and dressed himself then went downstairs to play until his mother had dealt with Kim and he could hear her getting breakfast for them both.  Kim always got dealt with
first, no matter what, so Colin often had to wait and wait for his
breakfast.  He’d tried getting his own, but his mother had told hi that he should wait until she’d got breakfast.
His mother got up, changed, bathed and fed Kim and got breakfast before she realized that Colin was nowhere to be seen.  She went up to his bedroom to find him lying in bed still asleep and the smell of stale urine told her nose what had happened that night.  She pulled back the covers to find a very wet Colin lying in a puddle of his own urine.  She went to get a towel to wrap him in to stop him dripping on the way to the
bathroom before she woke him up.  She stood him up on the bed, stripped the wet pajamas off him and sent him to the bathroom to shower himself, 
Meanwhile, she stripped the bed, putting the wet sheets and blankets into a bucket to carry downstairs to put into the washing machine.  She dried off the mattress cover, wiped it over with disinfectant and then made the bed for him.  Normally Colin would tidy his own bed and his mother would make it for him when she did the washing.
Colin showered and dressed, then went down to eat his breakfast.  His mother said nothing about the wet bed, but Colin thought that at least she’d noticed as he had clean sheets on his bed and she’d put clean pajamas out for him.  That night Colin did the same again and the night after,  It was a good job that they’d got a tumble drier as Colin might have run out of sheets otherwise.  Each morning he was woken, his bed
stripped, cleaned and remade while he showered, but still his mum said nothing. He was considering abandoning his plan as, apart from the extra washing, his mum hadn’t paid him any extra attention.
That day, his mother took Kim for her regular visit to the baby clinic for her progress to be charted.  Kim would be weighed and there would be an opportunity for his mum to talk to one of the health visitors if there were any problems she wanted help with.  Colin was left to play with the other children in the supervised play area while Kim was checked and weighed.  Colin’s mum decided that she’d discuss Colin’s new
problem with the health visitor. 
She went in with Kim and sat down while the health visitor shut the door.  His mum explained to the health visitor that Colin had started wetting the bed and what should she do?  The
health visitor surprised her, “I’m not the least bit surprised.  I’m glad you came to see me today because I’d already got you on my list as I wanted to see you.  Have you thought for one moment what Colin is going through at the moment?  He’s lost his father and now he feels, I bet, that he’s lost you. 
I think this is his attempt to get some of your attention.”  “But I don’t understand,” Colin’s mum replied, “I do pay him
attention.”  “Really?” was the health visitor’s reply.  “I saw you all the other day outside school.  Colin came out with a picture he’d made specially for you and you didn’t even look at it.  His face when you didn’t look was a picture of misery and despair.”  “But I was attending to Kim at the time.”  “That’s the problem, you always seem to find time for Kim and Colin has been pushed out.  His teacher at school has spoken to me because she’s worried about him. 
He was obviously distressed when your husband died, but he seemed to get back to more like his normal self afterwards, but recently he’s become more withdrawn and quiet.  His teacher has been really worried about him and spoke to me first as she’d noticed that you left him and picked him up from school each day, but never seemed to pay any attention to him.  That’s why I was outside the school the other day to see for myself.”
“But I love my son,” Colin’s mother replied, in hurt surprise.  “Yes, but do you show it?  I think you’ve busied yourself with Kim as a way of coping with your husband’s death and you don’t even realize that you’ve been ignoring Colin.  When was the last time you gave him a cuddle?”  “But he’s too big for that no, isn’t he?”  “Having lost his father, he needs cuddling more than ever to convince him that you are still there and love him. 
He’s a poor lost, lonely child and needs you to show you
love him.”  “Oh, but I’m sure I do!” Colin’s mother replied.  “No you don’t,  Can’t you see that the wet bed is a cry for attention?  If it was just the death of your husband, and I appreciate your loss too, then he’d have started wetting the bed just after your husband died.  The delay suggests that there is another cause: your neglect of him.” 
“But I don’t neglect him.  He’s well fed, and clean.  I certainly don’t neglect him.”  The health visitor shook her head in sorrow, “There’s more to caring for a child that just keeping him clean and fed.  You’re neglecting him emotionally.  Let’s go and see what Colin is doing now.”
The health visitor opened the door and they looked out to where the children were playing - all except Colin.  He was just sitting there, staring into space with a really sad, lost expression.  Because of the health visitor’s remarks, his mother really looked at him this time and saw the sadness there.  They went back inside.  “Now do you see what I mean?” the health visitor asked.  “Yes, I do.  He looks so sad and lonely.” 
“That’s because he is!”  came the visitor’s triumphant response, glad at last that she’d managed to get through to Colin’s mother just how miserable he’d become.  “What can I do about it?” his mother asked.  “I think the best way would be to treat him more like Kim.  You’ve been left well provided for after your husband’s death?” 
“Yes, I get money from his firm as a pension and the insurance paid out enough that I don’t need to work and more besides.  The mortgage is paid off, so that’s not a worry.”  “Good.  I’ll lend you some things for the next few days to
tide you over until you can get your own.  I suggest that Colin goes back in nappies at night for a while.  I have some suggestions as to what you can do to really show that you still love him……..”
That night, his mum came upstairs with Colin when he went to get ready for bed.  Colin was surprised as his mum seemed to be paying him much more attention since their visit to the clinic.  They’d also come home with a large parcel which had got his curiosity aroused.  Colin was sent upstairs to go to the toilet before bed, but this time his mother told him to shower afterwards and come into his bedroom wrapped in his towel. 
He tried to ask the perennial question of the young - “Why?” But was told that he would find out and his mother hoped he’d be pleased.  Puzzled, he dutifully went upstairs, used the toilet and showered.  After he’d dried himself off, he had his now customary two glasses of water before wrapping the towel around him and going to his bedroom. 
There he saw a sight which made him stop at the door.  His mum was sitting on a chair in his bedroom wearing a soft white plastic apron and wearing the thin surgical type rubber gloves.  There was a bottle of milk - the baby bottle style - sitting on his bedside cabinet along with nappy rash cream and talcum powder and a pile of nappies, pins and a pair of white plastic pants on the bed.  “Come here,” his mum said to him with the
first smile she’d given him since his father died.  “I need to start
looking after you better. 
The health visitor said that you looked a bit off color so she suggests I take your temperature first before I put the nappies on you and given you a bottle of milk to drink and a cuddle before bed.  How about that?”  “But I don’t need nappies, I’m a big boy!” came Colin’s automatic response before he’d even thought about it.  “I think your wet beds form the past few nights show you’d be more comfortable waking in wet nappies rather than a wet bed.  Now come here!” 
With that, she reached out for Colin and pulled him to her.  She took the towel from him and laid it across her lap.  To his surprise she pulled him face down across her lap and held him there.  “You’re not going to spank me, are you?” he asked with a quaver in his voice.  He’d been spanked for being really naughty from time to time and he knew that , if his mum was going to chastise him, she’d make a good job of it!  “No, of
course not, love!  I’m not cross with you, I’m going to take your
temperature.  Now holds still while I put some lubricant into your bottom to make putting the thermometer in easier.” 
Colin laid there quietly, somewhat overwhelmed by all this.  Suddenly he felt a cold finger rubbing round his ‘poop hole’ and then the finger pushed a little harder and entered his back passage.  He jumped a little as that happened as he’d not been expecting it.  His mum’s finger poked around for a while as she
worked it in a little deeper.  He had never felt anything like it and discovered that it was a strangely pleasant feeling!
His mum removed her finger and pulled the glove off inside out by the cuff, then picked up the broad stubby thermometer which followed the route her finger had taken.  She twisted it as she held it in place between two fingers as she rested her hand on his bottom.  With her other hand she gently stroked his bare back as she told him to lie still for the five minutes it would take for the thermometer to register. 
After the five minutes were up, she removed the thermometer to read it.  Colin was quite disappointed as he’d liked it there.  “It’s normal, Colin, but we’d better take it again tomorrow night to make sure, hadn’t we?” she said with a smile.  “If you say so, mum,” came the extremely surprised
reply.  “Now lie still while I cream your bottom for you.”  She put on another rubber glove and proceeded to apply nappy cream across his bottom and between his buttock cheeks. 
She rolled him over to face her as she started to cream his front.  His look of surprise at all this was a joy to behold so she leaned over to kiss him gently on his forehead.Next she lifted him off her lap and placed him on the thick pile of nappies.  She powdered him, then pulled up the nappies between his legs
and pinned them with four pins firmly across his front.  She then worked the plastic pants over his nappies and, with years of practice, tucked the nappies inside the plastic pants. 
Colin laid there looking up at her in wonderment: this was his loving mother back again!.  She lifted him up and slipped his pajama top on, saying that he didn’t really need his bottoms over his nappies and plastic pants.  She lifted him up onto
her lap again and tied a bib around his neck.  Snuggling him against her plastic apron covered breast, she picked up the bottle of milk and gave it to him to suck.  She smiled to herself as, on the health visitor’s suggestion, to show she really did love him that she wanted to care for him no matter what, she’d laced the milk with some laxative to make sure Colin had a ‘poopy’ nappy in the morning.
When she’d given him the bottle which he’d sucked from eagerly, he flung his arms round her neck and hugged her  he gave her a milky kiss and said, “I love you mummy”, and burst into tears: tears of loss for his father and tears of joy that his mummy really did love him after all. 
Colin’s mother cried with him, her tears wetting his hair.  She cried for her lost husband and the fact that her withdrawal into herself as her way of dealing with that loss, had nearly lost her son’s love and affection.  When they were cried out, she kissed him again and laid him on his bed, covering him up with the sheet and blankets.  She kissed him again and said, “Sleep well, Colin, my love. 
And remember, don’t get up in the night to use the toilet - you’ll never get those nappies off and back on again yourself.  You use them for whatever is necessary.”  Colin looked guilty.  “Mum, I’ve got something to tell you.”  Colin’s mum kissed him again.  “There’s no need to say anything more, my dearest.  I
was ignoring you and you needed to get my attention again.  I do understand and I’m so glad you did.  I’m just so sorry that I have been neglecting you.  Please believe I didn’t mean to.”  With that, she kissed him again and put the light out as she went out, closing the door behind her.
Colin laid there puzzled.  His mum knew that he’d done it on purpose and she didn’t mind?  She seemed pleased, not cross.  His six year old mind just couldn’t seem to sort out the complexities of the adult mind and, thinking how glad his mum loved him and cared for him, he went to sleep. 
He woke with a pressure which demanded release as he’d not only drunk all that water, but the bottle of milk as well.  As he let the warm urine flood across his front and down between his legs as he let it out lying on his back, he was pleased that his mum had put really thick nappies on him. 
He was lying there like a frog with his legs forced apart by the nappies and the plastic pants had made warm sweaty patches on his thighs where they’d come into contact with the outside of the pants.  His babyhood was not that far away that the feeling didn’t bring back vague memories of being warm and safe and, with that though and thinking this was better than a wet bed, he went back to sleep.
In the middle of the night, he woke up to the double pressure form his bladder and his bowels.  This wasn’t in his plan to poop in his nappies.  He rolled onto his back again to let his bladder empty and, as he did so, he thought about what his mum had said about “You use them for whatever is necessary”.  How had she known he’d need to poop in them? 
The milk had tasted slightly funny.  Had she given him something to make him dirty his nappy?  As he pondered this, his bowels compelled him to release a load of soft mushy stool into his nappy.  That wasn’t as nice as wetting them, but he was tired and content that his mum really did love him after all, so it wasn’t long before he was back asleep again.  He woke up twice more as both his bladder  responded to all that he’d drunk and his bowels to the effects of the laxative he’d been given.
His mother came into his room and kissed him awake.  To his surprise, the sun was streaming through his window as he’d overslept.  He would normally have got up long before this.  She lifted him out of the bed and cuddled him to her as she carried him downstairs.  She was wearing the white plastic apron again.  He was about to tell her about the messy nappy when she kissed him again and told him to hush as everything was under control. 
She kissed him again and said, I’ve bathed, changed and
fed Kim and she’s playing happily in her play pen.  It’s now your turn!  Down in the kitchen, she sat down and sat him on her lap.  He winced a bit as all that soft stool was forced up between his legs and up his front and back.  Mum would have a lot of cleaning up to do! 
She tied a bib round his neck and began to feed him his breakfast cereal.  Before he could say anything, she whispered, “I’ve neglected you for too long.  Let me pamper you a bit.  Why should Kim get all the attention?”  he kissed her again, “Oh mum, I do so love you.”  His mother wiped the cereal off her face, kissed him back and said, “I love you, too, Colin!”  She gave him his orange juice and milk in a baby bottle with a teat as she’d done with the milk last night. 
When she’d finished feeding him, she picked him up and carried him to the bathroom where she stood him in the shower, peeled off his plastic pants and the dirty nappy when she took aside to flush off in the toilet before placing it in the nappy pail.  She’d turned the shower on so Colin wouldn’t get cold and then went and gently showered him clean.  The
doorbell rang, so she left him soaking in the shower to answer the door.
When she came upstairs again, she went into Colin’s bedroom from the sounds he heard whilst under the shower which puzzled him.  Mum came into the bathroom, turned the shower off and picked Colin up in a large white fluffy towel - the sort his mum and dad had used - the really big ones. 
Colin was snuggled in the towel from the tip of his nose to his toes as she carried him to his bedroom.  There, laid out on the bed was another carefully folded nappy.  Colin looked puzzled, “But mum, I don’t need to wear nappies any more.  I shan’t wet the bed again at night, honestly!”  “Do you like wearing nappies, Colin?  Answer me honestly.  I won’t be cross is you say ‘yes’.”  Colin thought for a bit, “Mum, I like the nappies.  It makes me feel safe and cared for.  Is that silly
or babyish of me?”  His mum laughed - it was a nice laugh - “No, Colin, it isn’t silly and I do understand. 
I thought you might wear nappies at night and during the day for a bit so I can spoil you for a while to make up for the way I’ve neglected you.  Would you let me do that?”  “If you like, mum.  I do so love you!”  Colin was creamed again and
wrapped around his hips with a thick nappy and then, to his surprise, mum pulled from under the covers a pretty nursery print pair of plastic pants in blue.  “I ordered these yesterday after I’d spoken with the health visitor and asked for express delivery.  They came today.  Aren’t they super?”  Colin got off the bed and his mum pulled a tee shirt over his head.  He stood and admired his new plastic pants in the mirror.
“They’re super, mum, thank you!”  His mother showed him the other ones she’d ordered - yellow, pink and green - all with nursery print patterns on them.  “I’ve got some large nappies as well, but they’re in the washer.”  Are you sure you mind all this extra washing, mum?”  She laughed and ruffled his hair, before giving him a kiss on his forehead.  “No, love, you really do deserve some pampering!  Just let me know when you want to
be changed, won’t you?”
Colin had a wonderful day. Sometimes he and mum played with Kim and when Kim was asleep in the afternoon, his mother played games with him.  They were so happy.  He just wet his nappy when his bladder told him it was time to go to the toilet.  The warm wet feeling he got meant that he’d leave it a long time before he shyly asked his mum to change him.  What was great was that his mum kept cuddling him and he really enjoyed her loving attention again.
That night, she took his temperature again, before allowing him to choose which color plastic pants he wanted to wear that night.  He chose the pink ones by way of a change.  His mum gave him a bottle of milk to drink from the teat again, but this time there was not laxative in it. 
Colin woke again during the night to wet his nappy, but this time woke bright and early.  He decided to pay his mum back for her love, so went into the kitchen and prepared his mum breakfast, taking it up to her on a tray.  She woke to the sound of the tray being placed on her beside cabinet.  He was pleased to see his mum smiling again.  Later, when she had got up and dealt with Kim, she helped Colin shower and put him back in nappies again for the day.  This time he chose the yellow pants.
As she laid him on the nappies, she asked if he wanted to ‘poop’ in them again.  He said that was up to her, shyly.  He wasn’t used to being treated like this!  She kissed him and took out a child sized packet of glycerine suppositories.  “If I put one of these into your bottom, it will help you to poop your nappy and then I’ll change you when you want.  How about that?”  “Are you sure, Mum?  You’ve got enough washing already,
haven’t you?”  “Don’t worry, love, I’m enjoying looking after you.”
Later his mum and Colin sat down (Colin really needed a nappy change as the suppository  had helped him to fill his nappy quite nicely - he enjoyed the feeling as it all squished up inside his nappy) to discuss how long he would wear the nappies.  They decided that he’d have a week in nappies during the day and would stay in nappies at night  until a week before he was due back in school.  His mum also promised that he could wear his nappies at night during the holidays if he wanted.  He liked this!
On the last day he was to wear nappies during the day, Colin felt hot, headachy and really out of sorts. His mum noticed, but said nothing.  That evening, Colin was helped to strip off his wet nappies and yellow plastic nursery print pants and shower.  He was wrapped in the large thick white towel as his mum was wearing her plastic apron and gloves. 
She picked him up and carried him back to his bedroom.  There he was laid across her lap on the towel, bottom up, for her to take his temperature rectally again.  Colin did like it when she lubricated him with her gloved finger and then inserted the thermometer, moving it around inside him while it registered. 
This time, she took it out and said, “Colin, you’ve been getting more flushed all day and you haven’t been your normal self.  I’m not surprised to find you’re running a temperature.  I
think we’ll keep you in bed tomorrow and you may as well wear your nappies in bed.  How’s that?”  Colin mumbled that he just felt awful and didn’t mind staying in bed.  She gave him a bottle of milk, but, half way through, he said that he wanted to be sick.
She had put a child sized potty in his room ready for when he was out of his nappies at night before going back to school to save him having to go to the bathroom.  She’d hoped he wouldn’t need to wake up fully to use that so he wouldn’t be so
tired the next morning.  She grabbed it quickly and held it for him as he brought back the milk and supper he’d eaten earlier.
Once she’d decided he’d brought it all up, she wiped his mouth for him and kissed his forehead.  “Poor pet!  You really aren’t very well, are you?  I’ll  get you some water after I’ve emptied this.”  She took away the potty to empty it and wash it out, then came back with several bottles of water.  “Colin, you need to drink plenty, so I’ll give you some water now and  there’s more for if you wake at night.  Drink it slowly and don’t gulp.  You need the fluids.”
The water stayed down and Colin went quickly to sleep from the exhaustion so much a feature of childhood ailments.  During the night, he was sick a couple more times and had terrible diarrhea which took ages to clean up.  Colin was weak and floppy, so the next morning his mother rang the doctor who called round just before lunch. 
The doctor examined Colin carefully, then she went outside with Colin’s mother.  “There is a sickness and diarrhea bug doing the rounds, mainly affecting children.  That’s what Colin has and I’ll write prescription for oral dehydration sachets to give him until he feels like eating and drinking again.  I’m sure he’ll let you know when he is hungry! 
I see you have him in nappies.  How sensible of you!  I’m sure he’ll be a lot happier knowing that his diarrhea will end up in his nappy, not all over him and the bed.  Children worry about things like that, just like adults.  He should be fine in a week to ten days, but I would keep him in bed for a week if I
were you.  I’ll also give you some pediatric paracetamol to give him to keep his temperature down as a syrup and as suppositories as I expect the syrup wouldn’t stay down long at the moment.  I’m passing the chemists on the way back to the surgery, so I’ll drop the prescription off and ask them to deliver it for you.”  Colin’s mother thanked the doctor as she showed her out.
Colin stayed I his nappies during the day for a further ten days, but he didn’t mind at all!  He might have lost his dad, but at least his loving mum was back again and he felt safe and secure in his nappies with the pretty nursery print plastic pants.
                              Written by: Anonymous