Snuggles and Tears Chapter 8
Date Published: September 11, 2008, 9:31pm
Written By: BabyButt
I know all of you that are following this story want to find out what happens with Billy next.
When I got backk to my hotel, (I’m in training for last 3 days 1000 miles from home) I read back through this story and saw that a couple of things needed to be addressed before we see what happens with Billy. This chapter deals with those things.
And FYI, I really appreciate any feedback you guys offer!
Enjoy,
BabyButt
Chapter 8
Sharon drank in the intense emotions of her sweet little baby boy. She didn’t know what today would bring, but charging her “snuggle batteries” as Rick used to put it always gave her more patience when things became difficult later.
Becky. That was the one variable she hoped she had handled well. With that thought, her mind traveled to yesterday morning and the conversation she had with her daughter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sharon had talked with her mom when she and Rick had returned home from Walmart, explaining what had taken place that evening. Phillis had been very supportive of the decision that they had made. She actually thought the idea was cute. Sharon decided then how she was going to approach this with Becky and asked her mom to take Billy out for the day once they had all had some sleep. Phillis gladly volunteered to spend some time with her grandson. Once that was decided, they went to get some sleep.
Once they were up and awake the next morning, Billy went off with his Grandma. She was going to take him to do some shopping for his parents.
“Hi Sweetie.” Sharon said to her daughter as she came into the kitchen after seeing her mom and son off.
“Hi Mom.” Becky answered with a mouthful of cereal.
“Please don’t talk with your mouth full Honey.” Her mother admonished her.
“Sorry.” Becky replied.
Sharon was anxious. She didn’t exactly know how to start this conversation. “Honey, I need to talk with you about something.” Sharon offered.
“What about?” Becky said with a worried expression.
“It’s nothing terrible.” Sharon responded seeing the anxiety in her daughter’s face.
Beck’s anxiety disappeared with that. “What is it?” she asked with great curiosity.
“Well, it’s something I need for you to be very mature about Honey.” Sharon began while watching her daughter’s expression closely. She almost laughed out loud when she thought about the irony of that statement. Here she was asking Becky to be mature about the fact that they were about to encourage her brother to act very immature.
“I’m mature.” Becky stated a bit indignantly.
“On MOST things, yes.” Sharon said, taking the sting out of her words with a smile.
Becky smiled back and said “You’re a mean old lady!” laughing as she said it.
Sharon found herself laughing; she had heard Becky tell her that many times. “And don’t you forget it!” she quipped.
Laughing a bit more, Becky reached out and took Sharon’s hand in hers. She knew whatever it was, it was important to her mother.
“Sweety, it’s about Billy.” Sharon started.
“What about him? Is something wrong?” her daughter asked with a little fear in her voice. As much as he annoyed her at times, she did love her brother.
Sharon moved her chair closer to Becky’s and put her arm around her, pulling her close. “Not in the way that you think, no Sweety.”
“Well, what’s wrong then?” Becky asked looking relieved.
“Well, what would you say if I told you your father and I were going to treat your little brother like Bobby?” Sharon asked watching her daughter closely.
“What?” Becky exclaimed puzzled and immediately started to giggle as she said “What are you going to do, make him wear a diaper?” continuing to laugh.
“Something like that.” Sharon said seriously.
“That’s horrible!” Becky said loudly, instantly becoming serious as her eyes became as big as saucers. “What did he do, start wetting the bed?” she said incredulously.
Sharon was glad Becky had reacted this way. It showed she really did care for her brother. That made it easier to follow her instincts about the thought that just occurred to her. She reached into her pocket and pulled the paper with Billy’s words out and held it for a moment as she told Becky “I want you to understand something. This is a very private, very painful topic for Billy. I want you to think about how you would want your brother to react if this was what you felt.” as she slowly unfolded the paper. “As your dad and I were going to bed last night, we heard Billy saying his prayers. At one point, this is what he was telling God.”
Becky sat staring at her mom not understanding what she was trying to tell her. She did know though that whatever the issue was, it wasn’t something to be joked about.
Sharon took a deep breath and began to read the paper out loud.
Becky sat stunned. She watched her mom’s face and noticed her start to get very emotional when she got to the part about Billy wanting to be her baby again. The thought didn’t strike her as funny. It was sad. Between the anguish she was hearing in her brother’s prayer and the small tears that ran down her mother’s cheeks, she found herself snuggling closer to her mom crying quietly.
Sharon paused to try to get control of herself and to give her daughter a hug. Reading on, she tried to keep her voice steady through the remainder of Billy’s words. By the time she finished they both were clinging to each other hurting for Billy.
“That’s so sad.” Becky cried.
"I know Sweety. If you had heard…"she said with renewed tears. Sharon couldn’t finish the sentence. After a moment she continued. “He was crying so hard as he tried to tell God what was so important to him.”
“I promise, I’ll never call him a baby again!” she said as she continued to cry softly.
Sharon looked directly at her and said “Oh yes you will.”
“What?” said Becky as she looked incredulously at her mother.
“Your dad and I have decided that starting tomorrow evening, and for all of Christmas day, he will be treated just like he was two years old.” Sharon explained. “He will take a binky, drink from a baby bottle, wear a diaper and be cuddled and treated just like a baby. I was hoping that you, being his big sister, would agree to interact with him that way. And I DON’T mean in a mean way.” Sharon added with a no-nonsense expression. “It’s going to be difficult enough for him if we offer him kindness and understanding, it would devastate him if you got mad and made fun of him.”
Becky’s eyes dropped toward the floor. She felt really guilty now. She had no idea that he felt this way or she would never have made fun of him for wanting to play with Bobby and his Little People toys. This thought made her start crying again. She felt terrible. “I’m sorry.” She said quietly, “I didn’t know.”
“I understand Honey,” Sharon told her as she brushed the tears from Becky’s cheeks. “I didn’t know either, but you need to understand that what we do affects other people. Sometimes in a very hurtful way and we have no idea.” When Becky didn’t say anything, Sharon decided she wouldn’t push it any further. She had gotten the point across she thought, no point in belaboring it. Knowing what her little girl needed at a time like this, she said “Why don’t you go sit with Daddy for a while.”
Becky leaned in and kissed her mom on the cheek and said softly “OK.”
Sharon knew Rick was in the living room so she moved from her current seat to a chair that allowed her to see and hear what would transpire when Becky talked with her daddy about this. She knew she was being nosy, but this was really important and she wanted to see how Becky dealt with what she learned.
Becky found her dad in the living room sitting in his old recliner, reading a book. As she slowly made her way to the chair, he looked up, saw her expression, put his book down and held his arms out to her.
“Oh Daddy!” she cried with new tears as she climbed up into the recliner with him and laid her head on his chest.
“What’s the matter pumpkin?” Rick said as he held her close. Then remembering that his wife said she would talk with Becky when Phillis left with Billy, he said “Oh, talked with your mom huh?”
At first all she could do was nod her head. After a moment, she responded with “It’s so sad and I was mean to him.”
“I know, and yes you were.” He told her. He wasn’t trying to be hateful, but she needed to learn this lesson.
“I’m sorry.” She said softly.
“I’m not the one you need to be apologizing to pumpkin.” He responded gently, brushing her hair back with his hand.
Rick waited a moment to see if she would offer anything else. When she didn’t he picked up his book and started reading.
After a few minutes Becky looked up at her daddy and asked “Why does he want to be a baby?”
Putting his book down, he looked down at his little girl and said “Well, I’m not really sure but I’ve been thinking about that.” Running his face over his hand, he continued. “It’s easier for girls. You’re eleven now and you still play with your dolls and you still sleep with Charlie Bear don’t you?” he asked.
She nodded her head.
“Do any of your friends make fun of you because you do these things?”
“No.” she said.
“I didn’t think so because it’s different for girls. Girls can have their stuffed animals. They can play with dolls and snuggle with their mommy and daddy until they are a lot older than you are now.” He explained. “Boys, however, aren’t so lucky. Everyone expects a boy to be tough and strong and they are pushed to give up those things that comfort them or be laughed at. Things like your brother’s blankie or his Pooh Bear, have you seen him with these things?”
“No. not for a long time.” She answered.
“You know how much Charlie Bear means to you now, do you remember how much more attached to him you were two years ago when you were Billy’s age?” he prompted her.
“Yeah, I didn’t go to sleep without Charlie.” She agreed.
“The last time I saw your brother with Pooh bear was three years ago. How do you think you would have felt if you had to give up Charlie Bear five years ago?”
“I wouldn’t have liked that at all!” she said adamantly. “I wouldn’t have been able to sleep.”
“So, you see, it’s been harder for Billy. I don’t know this, but I suspect this has something to do with why he feels the way he does.”
“So he wants what he lost back?” she asked.
“Something like that.” He said.
Sharon chose that moment to leave them to their conversation and return to the kitchen. As she cleaned up the breakfast dishes, she contemplated what her husband had said. “Did I force him to grow up too fast?” she asked herself. Guilt reared its ugly head as she remembered the sleepless nights when they had taken his bottle away and again when the pacifier went by the wayside.
He was four when they had taken his binky from him. He had only been taking it at nap time and at night. It was decided that it was better to do it then because of the growth problem. Everyone was concerned that he would not have normal psychological development because of his size so they encouraged Rick and Sharon to be diligent in moving him along, to be ready for kindergarten. It was difficult because he looked like a toddler. Steeling herself when he cried for his binky at nap and bedtime was so hard because physically he looked like he had every right to want one.
Sharon sighed. “So many questions and so few answers.” she thought.
Her thoughts moved back to Becky. She was confident she had done right in sharing Billy’s secret with her. She saw no other way to give him what he needed without sharing it. Becky appeared to have understood and resolved to make it easier for him. Knowing Becky though, she anxiously hoped her daughter would feel the same way tomorrow.
Later that evening, Phillis and Billy returned to the house and just had come in the door as Sharon was busy baby proofing the living room in anticipation of Bobby’s arrival Christmas morning. Billy appeared to be excited as he came in the door and said hi to his mom. Phillis gave Sharon a smile and a wink that told her Phillis had picked up the Pooh Bear blanket that Sharon hadn’t thought to buy at Walmart the day before.
Billy wasn’t in the door for more than a minute, when Becky came into the living room. She looked at him and Sharon saw the tears start to form. Without a word, Becky went to Billy, bent to his level and gave him a hug saying “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been mean to you.”
Billy stood perfectly still for a second, and then put his arms around her and told her “It’s ok, I’m tough.” while patting her back.
After Becky’s conversation with her father, this was exactly the worst thing he could have said. Becky’s crying became more pronounced as Billy looked at his mother with a puzzled expression.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As she laid there holding Billy’s bottle, she hoped that that had been the moment most siblings arrive at where they stop trying to compete and start trying to understand each other. Billy had always been smarter than Becky. Sharon believed this was the biggest reason for their animosity. Becky felt threatened by her little brother because of it.
Sharon smiled when she considered that this probably wasn’t going to be a problem anymore. “It’s difficult to feel threatened by your brother when he’s nursing a binky and needs his wet diaper changed.” She thought.