About two years after graduating from college, I was asked to be "best man" at a college friend's wedding. It was the second time I'd been asked by a friend to fill such a role, and despite all the work I figured it would be a good time. About four months before the big event, I had to drive about 500 miles to my friend's fiance's hometown for the formal wear fitting. My friend and his fiance had decided that the whole entourage on the groom's side would dress in white clothers and tuxes with green trimmings (to match the bridemaid's party in green dresses). The big day approached. I arrived two days before the wedding, which was scheduled for a Friday evening. I checked into the hotel late at night, making sure that I'd packed my disposables for the three nights I'd be away from home. The first night, Wednesday, was uneventful, and I stashed my wet diaper in a plastic bag on Thursday morning and disposed of it in a garbage container outside the hotel when I went to my car. Thursday night - "stag" night - was a little more of a problem. I took a cab to and from the strip bar where the stag was held. Although I almost wet my pants on the cab ride home, which turned out to be about 30 minutes long (about twice the time I remembered it taking to get to the bar), I managed to make it to the hotel lobby restroom without an accident and then proceeded to my room, experiencing another very wet (from the booze) but otherwise uneventful night. Friday turned out to be a long and very tiring day. We picked up the white suits and tuxes early in the morning, paying with my friend's credit card and signing a damage contract with the rental place. I knew that I had put on about ten pounds since the fitting, and I found the pants very tight, however, I eventually got them on and felt reasonably comfortable heading to the chapel that evening. The wedding ceremony only took about twenty minutes, ending at about 7:30 p.m., after which I drove the bride and groom back to the hotel for the reception. Having had to endure the organizational headaches all day long, I got kind of carried away at the free bar and had far too much to drink, especially knowing that I had to drive my friend and his new wife to the airport in the morning for their honeymoon flight. Exhausted, I stumbled back to my hotel room at about 2:00 a.m. I turned down the bedsheet and started to undress, removing the green tie and cumberbund first and then unbuttoning the frilly, blousy (why do guys at weddings have to wear girls clothes?) shirt. I was so tired that I figured I'd lie down for a few minutes before getting up to brush my teeth, take off the rest of my clothes and put on my disposable before retiring for the night. It was a BIG mistake, because I quickly fell asleep and didn't wake up until I got a call from one of the other guys in the wedding party at about 8:00 a.m. As soon as I awoke I realized that I'd soaked both the white dress pants and much of the shirt, not to mention the bed. I was scheduled to meet the bride and groom at 8:30 for their airport ride, and the formal wear was being returned by another guy in the wedding party, who was supposed to pick up my rental clothing about ten minutes before I left. The wet golden stain on the pants covered both front and back and extended roughly down to the knees on the front of my pants as I woke up lying on my stomach. The white frilly shirt was soaked up to above the belly-buttom. I quickly tore off the clothing and removed my completely soaked jockeys, and jumped into the shower, trying to figure out how to handle the mess! After showering and getting into some clean, dry clothes, I hung a plastic dry cleaning cover over the pants and shirt, which I hung on a hanger, draping the tuxedo jacket over top of the plastic cover. When one of the ushers arrived to pick up the ensemble, I joked that I almost forgot the tux, and just put it on the hanger at the last minute. I stashed the my wet jockeys in a small plastic bag and got all my stuff together quickly, hurrying down to the front lobby to meet my friend and his wife, leaving the maid twenty dollars on the dresser before departing my room. "Good sleep(?)," my friend asked when I got to the lobby. "The best," I said, "I slept like a log." He replied that he had not had not gotten much sleep, which was not a surprise. I next spoke to my friend about a month later. He said that he and his wife had returned and had a great honeymoon. He also mentioned that when the formal wear was returned the store processed a damage charge for thirty dollars, advising him by mail that the cleaning "beyond normal usage" was required on the returned garments. He didn't understand the charge and called the store. The clerk said "maybe you'd better talk to your friends." I told him it was probably some kind of regular thing, but I figured I knew what they were referring to!Some people have a white wedding; I had a wetting in white!
WRITTEN BY: BWF