Stories Help-Guidance Thread -- (Author) kerry
Stories Help-Guidance Thread -- (Author) kerry
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Apr 24, 2014 at 4:46 AM
Content: Hi, all,
This is your friendly neighborhood Stories Mod with a new thread in which I am offering to give you basic help and guidance with things that come up in your writing. I find that I repeat the same advice a lot in PMs and in individual threads, so I thought it might be a good idea to create a home for it where everyone can find it easily and where anyone can ask anything that seems confusing.
As to my credentials: I am a writer just like you. I have written quite a lot. You would not have heard of me--yet (I'm working to alleviate that)--but I do know whereof I speak. Further, I am a writing teacher, and I have been for over three decades, guiding thousands of individuals through the process of becoming better at this creative art.
What advice I offer here will not be meant to be directive; these are your stories, after all, to do with as you please. I'm just a guide. Nor am I offering to do one on one conferences with each piece; that would be prohibitively time consuming. Rather, I am offering general feedback and response that would help the entire community based on what I read and what you might ask. And, should you happen to ask a very specific question about a very specific issue in your story that would not require me to spend all night with it, I will also be happy to work with you on that.
As I have stated, this is an offer. Perhaps no one will desire to take me up on it, and that will be fine: I have many other things to fill up my time. But I volunteered to take on this position because I believed I could make a difference, and this is one way that I think I can.
If you would like to discuss or ask about anything in particular, just post your question in this thread. If you want to link to a specific comment/chapter, please do so, or maybe copy and paste as appropriate.
Meanwhile, enjoy the stories: we have a wealth of riches to feast on.
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This is a comment I left in the "Raquel's Only Wish--Extended Edition" thread. I thought it worth sharing in its entirety:
One of the reasons that this story works so well is that you have done such a strong job in creating distinctive, non-stereotypical characters responding to what began, frankly, as a fairly stereotypical situation. Let's face it: at the start, you had two basic plotline going: (1) child mistreated by foster parents who don't accept her incontinence and (2) diapered high schooler discovered by bully at school. You framed these around the admittedly unusual structure of the cheerleader tryouts, but even then the notion of the new girl becoming captain and deposing the established senior was far-fetched, especially the whole "big sister appears to save the day" part. So it began in a stereotypical way. And I am not being critical here, just honest...because I was thoroughly enjoying it even while it was taking us through such well-traveled territory.
Why? Because Raquel, from the very start, has not been a character like any I have met before. She is complex and capable of reacting in unpredictable ways. She is capable of standing up for herself, but she is also capable of breaking down. She is thoughtful and able to change: a dynamic character in a fiction genre full of characters who too often remain fairly static. And when you introduced her lesbian leanings, you did so in a simple, direct fashion: not overdoing it, not dramatizing the point, just "here is another thing about this character that makes her so interesting and complicated." And now, with the twist regarding Kelsey, you have brought in yet another dynamic level: she is forced to reassess an enemy, to see if someone she once loathed might even be someone she could...what, love? But you set it up beautifully and slowly, dropping small scenes of Kelsey's misery into the plot so Rachel could wonder if she had gone too far but not letting that aspect dominate too much at the time, as many would have done.
That is the problem with many of these stories: their authors jump at their plot devices as if to devour them all at once. Oh, this is fantastic, they exclaim to themselves. Let's dive in and get onto it! This story, on the other hand, has so much going on that it does not need to do that. It allows rich plot elements to simmer in their juices for awhile, to let the readers wonder about them, to allow them to build suspense. Oh, don't get me wrong: as a fan, I want you to get down to it! But as a fellow writer, I applaud you for taking your time and letting it happen at its own pace. This story could be a case study for how to accomplish that. And now you have done something almost unheard of in these stories: you have returned to a plot/character detail that has not come up in goddess knows how long and used it to set up a potential major plot twist.
This just does not happen in these stories because authors generally are not that patient. So I once again applaud you. And to other authors and would-be authors: read this story. I know there were some who felt that the Kelsey/Raquel thing was sudden; I disagree, but they are certainly entitled to their opinion. Still, in this story you will find things that you will not find elsewhere within a plotline that is perhaps not too outside of the norm. I emphasize that because it is considerably easier to be ridiculously inventive in a piece if your setting, characters, time frame, etc. are insanely out of the ordinary (though even then we've all read stories that somehow ending up retreading the same old same old). But doing so in stomping grounds that are extremely familiar? Taking what could in lesser hands have become a terribly stereotypical piece of ABDL silliness and making it something that has the potential to be brilliant?
That is what good writing is all about.
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Apr 28, 2014 at 3:24 AM
Content:
Frogsy said:
My favorite tip for writing: Don't state emotions if you can help it.
While I'm not perfect at this yet, it is really helpful for writing a great story. Try not to say "Mary was sad." Try instead to say something that paints a picture so that anyone reading could easily tell that Mary was sad. "Sinking into her chair, Mary covered her face with both hands. Tears soaked her palms."
Great advice, Kerry and Maxx!
[End of quote]
Yes, in the world of writing this is called SDT or "Show; Don't Tell." It is pretty much the Golden Rule. Its advantages are numerous and only begin with the fact that you are far less likely to lose your reader because he or she will become bored. For instance, look at the example that Frogsy created. In this little moment--instead of being told that Mary is "sad" (which means what exactly?)--we see her sink into a chair, cover her face with both hands, and soak them with her tears. Look at the verbs! Look at the action here! There is absolutely no doubt that "Mary is sad," is there? And as a reader, I am in no danger whatsoever of wandering away from the page due to boredom. Not with this kind of vivid imagery I'm not. I want desperately to know why she is so overwhelmingly upset and what will happen to her, which I sure as heck did not care about when I was only being told that she was "sad."
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: May 1, 2014 at 6:04 AM
Content:
emily91 said:
I'm wondering if you'd be willing to also approach my story from a more critical perspective—focusing on any plot elements that "just aren't working" while holding it up to the standards of a writer who would like to get her work published someday?
[End of quote]
I might be willing to do something along these lines--at least in an informal way (could you imagine how long it would take me if everyone wanted me to do this formally?)--once school is out for the year, but it would be completely impossible right now, as I don't even have enough time to keep up with everything I actually have to do.
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Maxx said:
It could be argued that until you put the 'finished' label on something, its acceptable to go back and edit anything, anywhere in the story. Annoying to anyone who's been peeking through the hole in the fence to watch it happen, but hey, it is a work in progress after all.
I think if I were going to do that, I'd warn potential readers, as some have done in the past.
[End of quote]
Indeed, if it were not for the complication that, after a finite amount of time and (she said, channeling the Wicked Witch of the West) it isn't long, my pretty, it isn't long, you lose your ability to edit your own messages. A flaw in the program if this had been designed as a story site, but of course it was not.
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: May 31, 2014 at 4:05 AM
Content:
soggyboy said:
Thanks for the good advice.
A question if I may?
I would like to write some stories reminiscing about some incidents from my childhood. Not full blown stories, but rather short stories, maybe a couple of chapters long each.
In fact I posted my first one earlier today.
That is where my question stems from. After posting it, I was reading some other threads, and found a similar story written, where the author, (littleella93) had received feedback from you saying that it shouldn't be posted in the Fiction section?
If a story is not fiction, and is considerably longer than a blog post, then where should it go?
Any help will be appreciated.
Regards
Soggyboy
[End of quote]
This kind of thing more likely belongs in the Adult Baby section, though I'd reconsider the notion of a blog post: what you wrote last time certainly would have been fine as one.
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Jun 1, 2014 at 1:19 AM
Content:
soggyboy said:
Thank you for the feedback. It's nice to be part of a site where the moderators actually respond!
[End of quote]
Probably 'cause we're all just little kids like you, so we don't know enough not to.
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Jun 1, 2014 at 7:23 PM
Content:
lolled1234 said:
damn you, that made me laugh so hard... i fell of my chair.
[End of quote]
Hope your mommy was there to kiss it better.
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Mar 2, 2017 at 12:52 AM
Content: If your story includes bedwetting or incontinence, you can probably get away with this; just don't make that central to the plot. It should simply be an element of the character. However, the second the thing veers into anything that smacks of fetishism, you're going to lose the mainstream audience.
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Mar 2, 2017 at 7:48 AM
Content:
ZetaSonic said:
No, the whole storyline is an epic parody, first and foremost. I was playing around with the idea of her being the leader of a tribe of warrior *BDLs, but I was a bit iffy on that in spite of it being called an "interesting" take on the idea. Namely that baby stuff was part of their culture because they never were able to outgrow it. As such they faced constant attacks.
EDIT:
Yet at the same time, my mind turns to the Magypsies of MOTHER 3.They look like drag queens, but were still important to the plot:
[End of quote]
Could be a fun story to write, perhaps, but I doubt it would have mainstream appeal.
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Mar 26, 2017 at 9:45 PM
Content: Sorry I did not see this right away. You've obviously answered your own question in your own way. But the broader answer is that, yes, you could have published it all at once had you chosen to do so. Given that story forums in general are designed to provide feedback to help the writing to improve, though (and to gather interest in an ongoing piece), it's always a good idea to break it up.
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Apr 24, 2017 at 12:36 PM
Content: Here is a post I made a few years ago that I just came upon (the story was "Her.2" by DLchao, if anyone is interested) as I'm re-reading all of the stories here in order to create an index. I thought the advice was worth the repost:
Hi, DLchao, and everyone else...
lesson time!
I know, I know: no one likes a school marm. But, hey, what can I tell you? I'm a school marm! I am a writing teacher, and when I see an opportunity to impart a few WoW's (Words of Wisdom--trademark pending), I just have to leap at it! So here goes:
First of all, it is probably a very bad idea to try to write a story
DLchao said:
on my iPhone at the middle of the night
[End of quote]
both because of the potential for myriad spelling errors and because of the near certainty that the story will be severely underdeveloped. When you find yourself so inspired--as many of us do--then pull out the phone, compose the piece, and put it aside until the next day when you can evaluate it and revise it properly.
That being said, here's another general thought: it's usually not necessary to provide an "Introduction" to the readers that sets the stage, as it were, by giving us an overview of the plot structure and characters:
DLchao said:
Luke and Lexi are both tenth graders at Iron high school I'm northern Ohio. They've been best friends ever since fourth grade. They have even spent the night at each others houses and do so often. Only because the parents know how good of friends Luke and Lexi are. They basically know all of each others secrets, or do they?
[End of quote]
Of course there are times when speaking directly to the reader at a story's start might be expedient, such as when you are trying something highly unusual such as double narration. Your instinct here, DLchao, is a good one.
What is awkward is the methodology of the thing. Bouncing back and forth by means of inserting a carat into the text is extremely artificial and will never allow the reader to make any kind of connection with your characters. You will be much, much better off if you write entire chapters in each point of view, allowing the opportunity both to develop the character slowly and to introduce the scene and the story in a more confident and natural manner (rather than jumping directly into oh my goodness this teacher won't let me go to the bathroom and I have potty issues and I'm going to wet myself and he he Lexi almost peed herself in gym last year so how is she going to make it through this class).
This:
DLchao said:
Luke woke up what seemed like the screaming of his alarm clock. He had already been missing summer. He was by all means not ready to go to school, just what seemed like yesterday he had been jumping into his pool. But that's all over and it's time to get back to school.
[End of quote]
is nowhere near enough to establish anything. I don't know who this Luke is other than he's a school kid on the first day of school. There is nothing to latch onto here, and you immediately jump me to Lexi:
DLchao said:
"I can't believe this, again!?" Lexi said as she woke up. Her alarm clock didn't go off and now she was going to be late on the first day of school.
Quickly she put makeup and put on her skinny jeans, converse, and a light blue tank top. "Come on Alexis, your boyfriend is waiting for you outside!" Lexi's mother teased her as she quickly finished her orange juice.
[End of quote]
Again? So she has a habit of being late on the first day of school? (And, furthermore, she actually remembers back that far? And she cares?) Once more, though, the most significant thing here is that--aside from the frantic last-minute insanity--we know as little of her as we know about him.
Now all of this might be OK if you gave us some indication here that this insane bang-bang oh my gosh we need to get to school because summer is over and it's starting oh crap i'm late damn it oh crap stuff is a one-off and we'll really get to know them later...but you don't; there is nothing in this brief excerpt to indicate that this piece's pace will settle down long enough for you to do that. When they get to school, for instance, the go from first class to "later that day" within three sentences. (Not a strong sign if we are hoping for slow and steady discovery.)
Then a thing happens that is almost cliche in diaper stories. (Oh, forget the "almost"; it is definitely cliche.) Someone lays out rules that will haunt the main character and cause potty problems:
DLchao said:
Later that day they had went to language arts. "Good evening class my name is Mr. Clark. I'd like to start out with a few basic rules. First off, you may only have three bathroom passes for each quarter. "Oh no, that can't be good for me, " Lexi thought to herself.
[End of quote]
Bottom line:
There is nothing wrong with this story per se. It has the potential to become a very fine addition to this forum, and I hope that it does. But I want its author and all other posters to begin to understand more about the dynamics of story telling so that we can create and post pieces here that are a cut above fap diaper sites. They don't have to be brilliant. God knows, everyone comes in with different levels of writing experience. But I am here to offer help and advice to try to make them better. And I firmly believer that even the most cliche plot structure can be a good story if the writing is good and the author takes the time to work on it.
And here I will make a plug for my Help/Guidance Thread in the stickies posts at the top of the Forum. Any time you have questions, just leave them there. And if you want to add your own thoughts, as some have already done, feel free!
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Aug 4, 2017 at 1:04 AM
Content: I'm not sure what you are asking. Are you looking for a description of how forearm crutches work? Surely there are videos available. Watch one and try to get a sense of how to describe the motion.
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Aug 5, 2017 at 6:42 AM
Content: You're looking for a verb? How about "shuffled"?
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Oct 17, 2019 at 7:46 AM
Content:
PurpleScorpion said:
That comment earlier about "does the story stand if you remove the diapers" makes me nervous because my stories revolve a lot around Actual Babies/Toddlers, not adults being regressed into them. You know, an Actual Three Year Old learning to ditch the diapers and use the potty. An Actual Two Year Old who's squiggly and wormy at change time adapting to slip on diaper pants. An Actual Five Year Old getting nervous about using public toilets because of the auto-flusher. Those don't work without the diapers or potty because they are about the diapers and potty.
Does that make them...
Bad?
[End of quote]
No, it does not make them "bad." It does, however, make them against forum rules. One way around it, though, is to make the story a memory from the POV of the adult that child will become.
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Oct 18, 2019 at 1:24 AM
Content: Can't you tell the same stories from the POV of the grown child? As a memory?
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Oct 18, 2019 at 6:16 AM
Content: While I would not recommend jumping between 1st and 3rd person narration, this may work. Give it a shot.
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Oct 18, 2019 at 9:08 PM
Content: sounds like a plan!
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Oct 19, 2019 at 8:26 AM
Content: I can hardly wait to read it!
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Jul 27, 2020 at 7:29 PM
Content: It sounds as if it should be fine. The rules are not meant to be prudish, just respectful of the fact that children are out of bounds.
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Oct 21, 2021 at 10:28 PM
Content: I suppose so. Just keep it PG.
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Aug 26, 2022 at 7:12 PM
Content: The simplest thing to do is probably to edit your title, putting the word "[Finished]" in it.
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Aug 30, 2022 at 7:22 AM
Content: Hi, all. I checked with Moo, and something happened in one of the recent forum upgrades that caused the "Finished" feature to vanish. It has now been restored. I do not know if you can do it yourselves or if I have to do it for you—someone will need to try it and let me know—but you click into the thread and select Edit Thread, then choose "Prefix." I'll gladly handle this for you if the option(s) don't show up for you.
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Author: kerry
Timestamp: Dec 11, 2022 at 3:18 AM
Content:
Flopsy said:
I'd like to repost my story from last year - it is extremely Christmassy! Can I do that?
[End of quote]
No need. It's already here: https://www.adisc.org/forum/threads/lil ... es.157287/